Beauty Sleep

March 27, 2020
Lyrics

1. HAPPY

Are you happy now?
I’m not broken, I’m not bleeding
Trying to figure out
Why you have been misleading
Will you wake up with regret
From letting all this go instead?
Are you happy now, oh
Never thought that’s where we’d end up
When I think about where we began
I should have been listening to my gut
Rather than making up your sentences
Oh it was always my due
So fucking hard to please
You can’t stand it, you’re the damage
So here you go again
Trying to spin perception
But it’s all inside your head
(You made up)
Made up words and promises
(Promises)
To support your narrative
Well no one’s buying it
Are you happy now?
I’m not broken, I’m not bleeding
Trying to figure out
Why you have been misleading
Will you wake up with regret
From letting all this go instead?
So are you happy now, oh
It’s been the same old stories
I kept ignoring
It’s all talk you swore to me
With every inconsistency
Don’t want to hurt you
But now I have to
Stuck in the ashes again just like I found you
You’re so deceptive, I got the message
And if you’re on the way out than there’s the exit
So sad to see you’re out of touch
You’re out of touch
You made up words and promises
You left us face down on the concrete
You’re the one to blame
Are you happy now?
I’m not broken, I’m not bleeding
Trying to figure out
Why you have been misleading
Will you wake up with regret
From letting all this go instead?
So are you happy now, oh
Session’s just an empty word
Compared to what you were
You can’t just give yourself the title
Without earning
Still the worst type I see
Still never learning
A decision set in stone
Made all on your own
Entitlement is no excuse to say that
You are owed you really gotta learn
To let this go
I can’t make this shit up
You keep telling me the same old stories
I keep ignoring
Will you wake up with regret
From letting all this go instead
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now?
I’m not broken I’m not bleeding
Will you wake up with regret
From letting all this go instead?
So are you happy now?
(Oh) so are you happy now?

2. MATCHES

You’re striking all the matches
Hoping none will spark
I know the past year
For you has been hard
I’ll keep your secrets safe here
(Your secrets)
No matter the importance
But why ask for my help
When you’ll ignore it?
But I guess a little bit of common sense
Reflects whatever good in you is left
You know you’re not that cunning
I know you’re up to something

Breakdown but it’s what you need
When your head is up in the clouds
Bring you to your feet
So glad that you’re awake now (oh oh oh)
That’s what you get
That’s what you get so just own it

So there’s a difference in comfort and trust
In shades of red in loyalty and lust
Enough’s enough
Your time is up don’t try to convince me
It’s just bad luck
And I guess a little bit of self-respect
Can’t correct promises you never kept
And all your words meant nothing
Still always up to something

Breakdown but it’s what you need
When your head is up in the clouds
Bring you to your feet
So glad that you’re awake now (oh oh oh)
That’s what you get
That’s what you get so just own it

I don’t think I’ll be seeing you again
I don’t think I’ll be seeing you again
I don’t think I’ll be seeing you
Don’t think I’ll be seeing you

Maybe you can’t help it
Maybe you’re just selfish
Maybe you don’t know
You’re running out of time

You’re striking all the matches
Hoping none will spark
Hoping none will spark

Breakdown but it’s what you need
When your head is up in the clouds
Bring you to your feet
So glad that you’re awake now (oh oh oh)
That’s what you get
That’s what you get
Breakdown but it’s what you need
When your head is up in the clouds
Bring you to your feet
So glad that you’re awake now (oh oh oh)
That’s what you get
That’s what you get so just own it
Yeah, and that’s what you get so just own it

3. FAR FROM PERFECT (ft. Zac Eisenstein)

Have we met before or is it just a dream?
Can’t forget the smell of your nicotine
You use your hands when you talk
You drag your feet when you walk

Have we met before or is it just a dream?
You look like a picture out a magazine
With your old Cure t-shirt on
And all I wanted was to know your name

It’s meaningless, meaningless to expect
Someone like you would ever want me back
Cause even if you look my way,
You’re probably looking for another face
Yet here I am practicing what to say

I wish you’d come closer
Or should I just walk over and
Say the first thing that comes to my head
Like can I borrow your lighter for my cigarette?

So what would you expect to see
An average girl just like me
My messy hair, my chipped front teeth
My obviously stellar personality
I’ve been hurt before it’s fucked with my head
And I’m not even sure if I can trust again
What you see is what you get,
I’m obviously far from perfect

I think you might have me confused
With someone that’s got it together

My stress and my anxiety
Are changing more than the weather

It’s dangerous, dangerous to expect
Someone like you could ever set me back
Even if I tried to stay I’d probably slip back
Into my old ways
And now here I am practicing what to say

I’ve been waiting for your phone call lately
I’ll let it ring through, so I don’t have to
Convince myself to feel anything for you today

So what could you possibly see
An awkward guy just like me
The way I act, the way I sing
How I can’t take myself seriously
I’ve been hurt before it’s fucked with my head
Now I’m not sure if I can trust again
Cause what you see is what you get
I’m obviously far from perfect

I think there’s something I should tell you
Is there something I should know?

I came here with my friends
And now I think it’s time to go

It’s probably not worth it
Cause you know I’m from out of town
And the next time that I see you
You’ll be with somebody else
With somebody else
She kept up with my jokes
She sang me songs that no one knows

All I have are mental pictures
Conversations, facial features

And I might have had too much to drink
But instead of forgetting
I’ll just think about you
About you
About you

So what would you expect to see
An awkward guy just like me

My messy hair, my chipped front teeth
My obviously stellar personality

I’ve been hurt before it’s fucked with my head
And I’m not even sure if I can trust again
What you see is what you get
I’m obviously far from perfect

4. PAPER THIN

I need to quit or get over it
God I’m so addicted to you
It’s doing more harm than good for myself
Rip my sleeve up from my coffee cup
I could sit forever with you
But forever is never enough
Maybe I need time but I’ll be fine

Am I wrong?
Or have I come on too strong?
Will I ever get you out my mind?
I’ve been waiting cause
You’re irresistible
My guard is paper thin

Getting to close
Getting to close just hurts
Getting to know
Getting to know you made it worse
A simple, single kiss
Never that innocent
Moments we spent
Stuck in my head
I know I’m in my feelings again
I should have told you

(Should’ve told you) I’m terrified
Should’ve told you that I’m not fine
I wish I had persistence to let you go
Should’ve told you I’m not ready yet
Should’ve told you I need time with it
I wish I had the confidence to let you know

This is so much more than a crush
But I’ve been too scared to call it love
I’ve been searching for something
Some meaning, some substance and
What the fuck’s wrong with my head?
Got an anxious conscience acting up again
And I should have been honest
I’m sorry I’m such a mess

Should’ve told you I’m terrified
Should’ve told you that I’m not fine
I wish I had persistence to let you go
Should’ve told you I’m not ready yet
Should’ve told you I need time with it
I wish I had the confidence to let you know

All the hesitation
So much fault in application every time
Why can’t I get it right
I’ve got this sickness
With commitment
And you’re someone if I lost I’d lose my mind
Lose my mind

Getting too close
Getting too close just hurts
Getting to know you
Getting to know you
Made it worse
(Don’t you know I’d do anything for you)
We’re getting too close, we’re getting too close
(You’re irresistible my guard is paper thin)
My guard is paper thin

Moments we spent
Stuck in my head
I know I’m in my feelings again
And I can’t win I’m paper thin

5. BEAUTY SLEEP

If beauty sleep is what I need
I might as well just wake up
I’m all caught up on how you
Really feel about me
Your apathy, your judgement
Your lack of respect, constant
Always saving face takes forever
(It takes forever)

Nothing has been the same
Since the last time you saw me
Am I still who you thought I’d be?
And every time (every time)
You fall asleep (fall asleep)
I lie awake at night and
Think about how I can compete
You’re always asking all around about
What I am doing
Why does that concern you at all
(Why does that concern you)
And all the moves I’ve made you ruined
(So I’ll keep) so I’ll keep to myself
(To myself) care about no one else

Let’s start with a fuck you
So you know that I’m ready to go
How many times have I
Told you about this?
I’ve said it all before, I’ve said it all before
I’ve said it all before and now it’s personal

The hypocrite that you are
(You hypocrite)
I know you’re running your mouth
(Running your mouth)
But I can see you singing my words from the crowd
(My words from the crowd)
At some point we’ll be reconnected
Boy what’s your name?
Forgot to read your message boy
Why you gotta act so defensive?
Oh boy, oh boy you never learn your lesson
And I just wanna make it stop
Cause you’ll keep waging war forever
And you just try to brush me off
But I know I’m one to remember

Let’s start with a fuck you
So you know that I’m ready to go
How many times have I told you about this?
I’ve said it all before, I’ve said it all before
(Don’t need permission)
I’ve said it all before
(Or your opinion)
I’ve said it all before, I’ve said it all before
(I’m not a damsel in distress)
I’ve said it all before
(So don’t treat me any less)

I’ve got your attention now
This is me calling you out
Bet you’re uncomfortable
Watching me figure you out
You know that I’m a threat
You know you will regret
The guilt that you feel
When this song comes back to haunt you
I’ve got your attention now
This is me calling you out
Bet you’re uncomfortable
Watching me figure you out
You know that I’m a threat
(I’ve said it all before)
You know you will regret
(I’ve said it all before)
The guilt that you feel
When this song comes back to haunt you
Got your attention now
Do I got your attention now? Do I?

6. BETTER

I always feel like I’m a let down
Cause being selfless, it’s hard work
And I’ve never been one to listen
So we never have this conversation
And lately I’ve been feeling down
(I’m feeling down)
Cause nothing turns out right
I hate the way I think about myself sometimes
Overwhelmed and insecure
No matter how I’ve tried
I can’t catch the break
I’ve needed all this time
I can’t do this again

Constantly fearing
What I should just ignore
But I’m trying everything
To make myself better

Even though I know that it’s not right
I can’t help but just repeat
These cycles of ambition
That leaves me in defeat
Cause time’s always against me
Who knows if I’ll win
All I know that it’s not healthy
Thinking I’m never enough for,
Never was for you

It seems that I will let you down
My conscience has a way
Of pushing all my logic out
I can’t regress to how it was back then
No matter how I feel things caving in
I won’t do this again

Can’t help but feeling
Much more guilt than before
I’m trying everything now
To make myself better
I know I’m guarded
I’ve heard that all before
Been trying everything now
To make myself better

Even though I know that it’s not right
I can’t help but just repeat
These cycles of ambition
That leaves me in defeat
Cause time’s always against me
Who knows if I’ll win
All I know is it’s not healthy
Thinking I’m never enough for,
Never was for you

I know I’m better than this
I will be better than this
Better than this
(You’ll see that I”m so much more)
So much better than this
(Don’t know who I was before)
It’s kind of like staring at pictures together
All the time never thought that I’d get better

Constantly fearing what I should just ignore
But I’m trying everything to make myself better

7. IN SPITE OF YOU

I know I said I wouldn’t care but
Honestly that was a lie
Every place I go I still see
Memories of you and I
So I have seemed to find myself right now
In spite of you
Sure I know I’ve made some mistakes
Passive and stubborn it’s true
But the way I say things sometimes
Those words just sound like you
So I have seemed to find myself right now
In spite of you

Just when I think I’m alright
Thoughts of you less at night
And then my dreams turn on me
Oh, they put me back in time
So I have seemed to find myself right now
In spite of you

You ruined everything
Shouldn’t have played along
Ruined my favorite sweater
Even my favorite song
Cause I know I can’t go back
Can’t erase anything
A mouthful of resentment

I’ve been holding back on myself
Thinking that I couldn’t live without you
I was wrong for thinking
You were right about me
Bad intentions are getting questioned
I said I’ve had enough

Never put me first
Want me when it hurts
Shut up save your words
Each and every time
Another fault of mine
Is that I never learned to tell you no
I’ve been lying in the grass
Secrets that I have
Trusting you with that
Confidence I lack
Should’ve turned my back

You ruined everything
Shouldn’t have played along
Ruined my favorite sweater
Even my favorite song
Cause I know I can’t go back
Can’t erase anything
A mouthful of resentment

I’ve been holding back on myself
Thinking that I couldn’t live without you
I was wrong for thinking
You were right about me
Bad intentions are getting questioned
I said I’ve had enough, enough

Bad intentions are getting questioned
You ruined everything
Shouldn’t have played along
Ruined my favorite sweater
Even my favorite song
Cause I know I can’t go back
Can’t erase anything
A mouthful of resentment
A mouthful of resentment

8. AGAIN

Just try to guess why my eyes are closed
I have thoughts of you when I’m alone
All this time that I spent with you
Should’ve known I didn’t need to
But I knew all along
So I try to guess why it all went wrong
But I took it and what’s left of me is hanging on
See there’s boys that will deceive you
Try to blame it on your issues
But you fucking knew all along

(Tear me open)
Tear me open you will see
What a wreck I’ve come to be
(Empty on the inside, but pretty on the outside)
And even if you think I’ve got it all
You’re so wrong
(Empty on the inside, but pretty on the outside)

Should I find a way to impress you?
Put all my make up on
Should I dress up for you too?
You’re only here because I let you
And honestly I don’t care
If I ever forget you, ever forget you

Should we go back to your place now?
Isn’t that what we do?
Sitting on the couch face to face now
Are you leaning in too?
With familiar lips and the same old tricks
No, you haven’t changed a bit
I should have known all along

(Tear you open)
Tear you open and we’ll see
What a mess you’ve come to be
(You’re broken on the inside, put together on the outside)
And everyone thinks that we’ve got it all
But they’re wrong
(You’re broken on the inside, put together on the outside)

Should I find a way to impress you?
Put all my make up on
Should I dress up for you too?
You’re only here because I let you
And honestly I don’t care
If I ever forget you, ever forget you

Do you ever wonder how it’s not right?
How do you sleep at night?
It’s pointless cause I’ve said a million times
Silence left me on the outside
But that’s where you belong
Now that’s where you have always belonged
Just try to guess why my eyes are closed

I think of you when we’re not together
Someday, I will find another
This broken heart won’t last forever

Should I find a way to impress you?
Put all my make up on
Should I dress up for you?
You’re only here because I let you
And honestly I don’t care
If I ever forget you
You’re only here because I let you
(Put all my makeup on)
And honestly I don’t care
If I ever forget you, ever forget you

Should I find a way to impress you?

9. LIE TO ME

I should’ve known that holding it against you
Didn’t do much you went and left us
Accountability’s eleven foreign letters
Another concept that you will never
Get cause you’re a mess
(Why do you act so selfish?)
You act with no regret
(No moral compass)
When you manipulate
Try to make things go your way
I never trust in words you say

All you did was lie to me and Emily
Crossed fingers so tight they bleed
When you were out in D.C.
Couldn’t bother even seeing me
I know every one of your names
And I’d list them off in shame
I can’t be, I won’t be apart of the

Games you play
I should’ve known I was a pawn to use
And all this time
The weighted dice you threw worked well for you
Tell tales through a pretty face
I know your venom never went to waste
Our tattoos still in their place
But now mine burns at the
Thought of you and I
Do you feel it too? (feel it too)
Or am I just someone you didn’t care to lose?
Stand here with my match held high
Watch as this bridge burns bright
These words are my goodbye (my goodbye)

All you did was lie to me and Emily
Crossed fingers so tight they bleed
When you were out in D.C.
Couldn’t bother even seeing me

On and on we were by your side
You’ve played the victim card
For the last time and I am not the
One who’s playing nice anymore
On your level now hands getting dirty too
I can’t believe you replaced
What was supposed to be us three
You’re nothing new anymore
Bitch you know we’ve all heard Halsey before
Fake fame and your boyfriend’s name
Didn’t think that I’d have to keep the score

Lie to me (lie to me)
And Emily (Emily)
Condescending so demanding
Craving all the attention
Your aesthetic so pathetic
So keep trying to be original

Don’t lie to me and Emily (on and on)
You have lied to me for the last time

10. TELL ME WHAT I WANT

So tell me what I want
(You should listen up or you’ll regret it)
So tell me what I want to hear
(Maybe it’s my fault, I should’ve said it)
Until those words escape your lips
(Cause I haven’t heard enough)
I’m gonna sit right here
(But it’s not for lack of trying)

So tell me what I want
(Well if I’m wrong, we can just forget it)
So tell me what I wanna hear
(But if I’m right, give me some direction)
Maybe I should be complacent
(Cause I haven’t heard enough)
But I can’t keep waiting all year
(But it’s not for lack of trying)

For you to tell me what I want
Just tell me what I wanna hear
I know that I am guilty of it too
So let me make something clear
You’re all I ever wanted
You’re all I ever need
You’re all I ever think about
But honey do you think about me?

So c’mon can you see we can’t start over?
So I thought why should we wait any longer?
(Any longer)
Fill the space between my fingers
Leave your words and let them linger tonight, tonight
And tell me what I wanna hear

Oh, it’s never ending our deflecting
Stop pretending
(You know that you want this)
Yeah, it’s never ending
(Everyone I know tells me to go for it)
Oh, it’s never ending our deflecting
Stop pretending
(You know that you want this)
Yeah, it’s never ending
Everyone I know likes to talk about
Everything we do
If I was them I would too

Please tell me what I wanna hear
Now that I’ve laid everything out
Will it make you come around again?
Or push your thoughts back down?
Cause I can’t read your mind
And I don’t really even wanna try
Let me tell you what’s on mine and test my luck
You should come over we can watch T.V. and

So tell me
That you like the band shirts that I wear
That my eyes remind you of the night sky
I make you nervous over looks we share
It’s like no one, it’s like no one else is there

Thinking back to the porch with the dim lights
You and me at your house sitting by the poolside
Thinking back to the way I felt that night
You and me confessing to feelings that we try to hide (x2)

Oh it’s never ending our deflecting
Stop pretending
(You know that you want this)

11. LET THIS GO

You’re not sorry at all
No you never meant it, never meant it
So I’m not sorry at all
I feel disconnected, disconnected

Anxious thoughts keep playing in my head
Wondering now if I should let you in
So many times I tried to let you through
Thought I had got the best of you
Guess I’ll never know (guess I’ll never know)
Guess I’ll never let this go

Maybe It’s just me there’s just something
About the way I can’t express a thing
But I’ll write it all, are you listening?
Or is my ink wasting?

Is this all too much for you?
You didn’t think I’d follow through
Takes us both to fuck this up
Don’t you think we’ve had enough?
You know it’s bound to come around
Wait ’till your world turns upside down
God you’re such a know it all
And all along you didn’t
No you’re not sorry at all
No you never meant it, never meant it
So I’m not sorry at all
I feel disconnected, disconnected

(Should’ve just kept my mouth shut,
Never should’ve opened up)
I wish this could have helped
(But it’s too late to take back,
Better learn to deal with that)
I’ll do this by myself
(Knew this had to happen,
So I won’t get pulled back in)
This is the last song with you in mind

Maybe it’s just me there’s just something
About the way I can’t express a thing
But I’ll write it all, are you listening?
Or is my ink wasting?
(Or is my ink, my ink wasting?)

Here with you tonight
Pretending we’ll be alright
Don’t leave my side
(Pretending, we’ll be alright)
Here with you tonight
Pretending we’ll be alright
Don’t leave my side
(Don’t you leave my side)

No you’re not sorry at all
No you never meant it, never meant it
So I’m not sorry at all
I feel disconnected, disconnected

12. NOT YOUR NIGHT

Now I can’t wait for you to catch up
Because you’re feeling down
I’ve given you your space but right now
You need to figure out
If you can move on are you ready?
Can you move on? are you ready?
Cause I miss you around

I remember when we met in September
Take me back to the South Bay
When we were together
Questioned my feelings but didn’t like my answer
Called me your savior but now I’m just your cancer
I should’ve known that we were headed for disaster

Cause you have the habit to
(Oh) push everyone on your own
(I’m not gonna be the one to save you)
That’s why you’ll end up alone
(Don’t wanna have to say we’re through)

But I can’t wait for you to catch up
Because you’re feeling down
I’ve given you your space but right now
You need to figure out if you can move on
(Move on) are you ready?
(So please tell me)
Please can you move on? are you ready?
Cause I miss you around
Cause I miss you

All along I
Never thought that you were speaking in advances
Every one I caught I shut down all your chances
And I still think about how I misjudged your actions
Didn’t think that I was your type of distraction
Didn’t think that I was your type of distraction

(Oh) push everyone on your own
(I’m not gonna be the one to save you)
That’s why you’ll end up alone
(Don’t wanna have to say we’re through)

Don’t know why you feel so wronged
When I did nothing to lead you on
And if you’re wondering I’m doing just fine
Maybe someday you’ll find some peace of mind

Don’t know why you feel so wronged
When I did nothing to lead you on
And if you’re wondering I’m doing just fine (I’m just fine)
Maybe someday you’ll find some peace of mind

So are you ready to move on?
Cause I already moved on

13. IT’S BRITNEY BITCH

Decay denial shut your mouth you liar
Take this warning before I fire (step back)
Had enough? you are the furthest thing
From someone I can trust
But I always show up crack a smile on my face
This routine I’ve become don’t play dumb

You know exactly all the damage you have
Done to me, I’m rolling up my sleeves this time
So you need to step back
Before I say something I cannot ever take back
Or did you want me to?
(Or did you want, did you want me to?)

Too bad you don’t know me (too bad)
Won’t play your games I’m sorry
This isn’t how it has to be
But you’re still the same
Person that’s been
Stuck in the same mind you’re in
Let the excuses begin

It’s too late to fix the damage
Done to me, I’m taking off my rings this time
So you need to step back
Before I say something I cannot ever take back
Or did you want me to?
(Or did you want, did you want me)
To step back before I say something I cannot ever take back
Or did you want me to?
Or did you want, did you want me to?

I knew there’s something off about you
From the moment we first met
You saw me and you took your aim
Without thought and that was your mistake
(And that was your mistake)

Decay denial shut your mouth you liar
Take this warning before I fire (step back)
Had enough? you are the furthest thing
From someone I can trust
You’re drowning
(But I always show up)
In lies
(Crack a smile on my face)
So save your breath
And take this warning before I fire back

14. EVER AFTER

When I was younger I needed to be different
Create a whole new state of mind
(So I) so I grabbed my uncle’s guitar
Learned all my favorite songs
(Learned my favorite songs)
Until I could start writing mine
They told me to give up
(They told you to give up)
It’s not worth the risk
(It’s not worth the risk)
But ending up like you
The thought just makes me sick
(It just makes me sick)
Got me feeling sick
(Woah) then six years later
(Woah) is when I met her
(Woah) we’ve come so far
Things just keep getting better

I had my own thoughts of leaving
Sick and tired of waiting
So patiently wishing for something of my own
Sixteen so bitter, my purple dress
Don’t you remember, remember?

This story goes in so many directions
Don’t ask me now, how we got here
Am I good enough, good enough
Good enough now?
Do you still have doubts?
Do I make you proud, do I make you proud?
This is the only place that feels like home
This is not a fairytale to me at all (at all)
This is the only place that feels like home
This is not a fairytale to me at all
This is not a fairytale

We met at work remember the time
I brought the pot to the party
You told me you don’t get high (until yesterday)
We drive around sing harmonies
Those faces that you’d make
Don’t think I don’t know what they mean

Khaki shorts and dad hats
Pastel riffs and hazy taps
Didn’t think they’d stick around
Once everything came crashing down

He had his own thoughts of leaving
Sick and tired of waiting so patiently
Wishing for something of his own
Thirteenth, September
Catalyst show don’t you remember, remember?
(How could I ever forget, how could I ever?)

And I wouldn’t change a thing
(We don’t know where, we don’t know where this will go)
You bring out the best in me
(We don’t know where, we don’t know where this will go)

This story goes in so many directions
Don’t ask me now how we got here
Am I good enough, good enough
Good enough now?
Do you still have doubts?
Do I make you proud?
Am I good enough, good enough
Good enough now?
Do you still have doubts?
Do I make you proud?
This is the only place that feels like home
This is not a fairytale to me at all (at all)
This is the only place that feels like home
This is not a fairytale to me at all
This is not a fairytale